Got this . . .

in my email the other day from Brenda. It's supposed to be Palin and Obama as kids.

Again . . . probably not appropriate, but funny as hell.

This is so wrong.

In so many ways. But so stinkin' funny. Not sure who to give credit to for the Photoshop magic, but it isn't me.

This is why . . .

I don't think John McCain is going to win. I just think there are a lot of holes.


I wanted him to win. I really did. I sport the McCain sticker on the back of my car. But, I still don't think he is going to win.

I know, your thinking, jeez don't you realize someone edited that. Yep. I do. I have a sister-in-law who is a reporter and I understand it more than you know. But, you should understand that I have SEEN him on TV get caught up in these questions, before the editing takes place.

I will not go into deep discussions regarding politics here. I just won't. I have a husband who is a passionate republican, as is his family. My family on the other hand is just as passionate about the Democracy. Devout. I grew up democrat, veered onto the republican road as a spouse, but I still have my own mind, my own thought and decision-making processes. I am a mom, American, voter, citizen, and a woman who needs to make a educated and informed decision in a couple of weeks. Quite frankly there is a LOT about our government and the decisions they make for us that I don't understand.

Unfortunately, I think the people who want McCain to win need to take a deep breath and prepare for dissapointment.

Then there is this . . .

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you can't make your own decision and that you can't remember what your decision was. I'm sorry that you can't answer on the spot what you believe in this regard and what you think is appropriate. You shouldn't need anyone to go back and check your record as to how you voted on that measure. You should know.

You should know that I don't think it is fair that you voted for insurance companies to pay for freaking VIAGRA, and while abortion is an touchy topic and the insurance company isn't going to pay for our pills, so we don't get pregnant, and have to contemplate abortion, but you don't believe in abortion. (I say we as a member of the female population.) But, what you will do is have them pay for the medication for some dysfunctional fella to "get it up". For real?

I'm sorry again.

I'm sorry that you don't see what is obviously seriously wrong with that.

Pumpkin Topiaries & The Curse

I want these. I want to make these. But, not this year. I do want them for this year, but they are not going to get made this year. Maybe I'll make some like in the middle of March for next October. Something real off the wall, totally out of season. I could then consider myself ahead of the game instead of behind.

I've often thought about sending out New Years cards, simply because for some G*dforsaken reason (yes I put a funky character in the middle of that - I don't need to use his name in vain, I'm already going to hell for one reason or another, I don't need to expedite it) I cannot get Christmas cards out BEFORE Christmas (or shortly after for that matter). It's like a curse. I will get the perfect card, get them all done, made out, addressed, sealed with a kiss, the whole 9 yards. Then, they just sit there. They ALL need fucking stamps. I have to remember to get stamps. Then they get pushed under another pile of shit. That's where they stay until the Christmas stuff gets put away and they go in the trash. 

Maybe I need to stop getting the ones with the year on them. 

At least I could use them over.

Anyway, here is a link to Lowe's website for making these pumpkin topiaries and a nifty little diagram. (I like the word nifty.) Note: Don't tell me about how you can't make them because their too hard and I'm all Martha-ish and shit, because these suckers are at a BEGINNER skill level. So, suck it up and get crafty with your bad self.

Pretty sure I peed a little . . . .

in my pants while watching this man and several others Saturday at the Bob & Tom Comedy All-Star Show.

They were all hilarious,but I have to say my favorite was Greg Hahn. I was laughing so hard my ears were ringing (what one has to do with the other I have no idea. I'm not sure they are medically related. I could just be weird.)

Here's a little clip from YouTube of Greg Hahn and the act we saw.

Here's Patty Vasquez (I loved her! Such a funny chick! :)

We also saw Donnie Baker, Bob Zany, and a few others.

Tim Wilson (he was hilarious too, played songs on his guitar.)

Where has this been all my life?

This.

This handy gadget.

This handy gadget right here.

THE DIGITAL RECIPE READER!

Where has this been all my life? And why when I finally find it, in that it actually exists, does it cost an proposterous amount of money? $299.00 to be exact.

But, check it out. This thing is something I really need. (read: want.)

Recipes at your fingertips! The Digital Recipe Reader is a touch-screen digital computer that holds up to 2500 recipes and even comes pre-loaded with some.

Upload your own recipes to the database, include photos if you wish and sync

It is splash-resistant and kitchen-safe, it has 3 built-in kitchen timers, conversion tools for recipes, and a list of ingredient alternatives.

Available for pre-order only, limited availability until January, 2009.

Maybe the company that created this needs someone to test it for them? (wink, wink

She's my idol and all, but I'm only human and . . .

this right here, is funny as hell, (especially considering it is MARTHA.)

They'd get . . .

a standing ovation from me too.
I have had soft spot in my heart for the elderly, since I was a little girl.

(This makes me miss my grandparents.)

OK - because I love. . .

my kids and everything I do is for them (most of the time) I am determined to get everything on my list done, have fun doing it, and remember that it's about the kids.

So, here is my weekly dose of fun YouTubes. Sorry, if you are not a YouTuber - but I am and it's my blog dammit.

Another one for the BFF files . . .

it just depends on the day!

My Amis Pour Toujour . . . .

or BFF, or FF, or whatever you want to call it. It's all the same. This is my girl. This is my forever friend. She is my peep. She is my fashionista (although she claims not so much). She is my partner in crime. She is the sister I never had.

This picture sums up the crazy fun we had last weekend when she came to stay! There was Chineese food, wine, lots of laughing, some Sex in the City, lots of snoring (or so I've been told), spa treatments, pedicures, manicures, mimosas, coffee cake, Culvers, shopping, Starbucks, and more laughing. (not necessarily in that order! :)

I was so sad when she had to go home, but like me she has people who depend on her (and my boys missed me.) It feels good to be missed.

We'll do it again soon.

Love you girl.

Toothless wonder . . .

No, it's not a bitty baby! But, it is one of amazement. This child managed to have 3 loose teeth and lose all 3 in the same week. Apparently, his friend taught him to "twist and pull". He pulled every single one out by himself. The poor tooth fairy won't to have to worry about a second job if he keeps this up!

Before the bee . . .

Sting like a bee . . . .

Poor little guy. This is what little man has looked like since Sunday morning. He was stung by a bee just under the eye, Saturday afternoon. I make this paste of meat tenderizer and water to draw the ick out and after that and a dose of benadryl it almost looked normal. But, he woke up Sunday morning and this morning looking like this. He barely has a little slit to see out of. Not much else I can do but push the Benadryl and maybe a little ice.

Poor fella.

Bitchfest 2008 (w/definitions)

I've had a morning, actually it was like the last hour. But, before we get to that I looked up Bitchfest in the Urban dictionary. Below you will find the few explanations of said "bitchfest". I think they all could fit this particular circumstance somewhere along the line, but I'm particularly fond of #3, the one that involves bending over and a lethal projectile called a 'bitch' spawning from my vagina. That sounds like a WEE good time! I can only hope that it attacks her eyeballs first.

• Definition #1:
  A group of people doing a lot of collective complaining, ie, bitching. It has nothing to do with a female dog or a negative, annoying person bitch.
  We were doing our history homework, and then we all started talking about how much we hate our teacher.... it turned into a real bitchfest.

• Definition #2:
  A group of friends that when one starts to complain bitch the rest follow suit, causing a bitchfest. Sometimes it can even involve parental figures.
  Suzie- I really hate the fact that Christina always get her way. Shannon- I know all she has to do is go to her mom. "I have to have my phone, or I won't be able to talk to Bobby." Serena- Let's not turn this into a bitchfest. I wanna be able to go to the movies happy.
  

• Definition #3: MY PERSONAL FAVORITE.
  1: (v.) For a human female to bend over, and attack another with a lethal projectile called "bitch" spawned from her vagina( See Bitch). This projectile is generally reddish in color and diametered twenty-two to forty-eight millimeters; with any lesser size considered a " Bitchlet ", and larger considered a " Garofolo ". 2: (n.) Any collective gathering which requires a court order to legally exist.
  

The doctor had to inform the victim’s family that their sibling died from bitchfest wounds to the face. (PERFECT.)

The her that I am referring to is a mom of one of the kids in one of the groups that I volunteer for. V O L U N T E E R! Not getting paid. I love that the people who do nothing are the first ones to bitch! She has two boys - one under my leadership and one under another gals and she's comparing the two and telling me that my communication is lacking. I proceeded to let her know that it is what it is and if she wants to find someone else to do it - more power to her. I'm not done with her yet. Someone should tell her - the end is near bitch, repent or burn. (I'm just sayin'.)

I would love to squeeze a Garofolo or a bitchlet into her face.

Can U say FOOD WHORE!

Yes, I think I have turned into a food whore.  

Caramel-Peanut Topped Brownie Cake

For the cake:

1 cup all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
1 stick(8 TBSP) unsalted butter, cut into 8 pieces
3 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped
3 large eggs
½ cup light brown sugar
¼ cup sugar
3 TBSP light corn syrup
½ tsp vanilla extract

For the topping:

2 cups sugar
½ cup water
1 ½ TBSP light corn syrup
2/3 cup heavy cream
2 TBSP unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 cup salted peanuts

Butter and flour a 8 inch springform pan. Line bottom of pan with parchment paper. Put the pan on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.
To make the cake: Whisk the flour, baking soda and salt together. Melt chocolate and butter together using a double boiler.
In a large bowl whisk the eggs and sugars together until well blended. Whisk in the corn syrup, followed by the vanilla. Whisk in the melted butter and chocolate. Still working with a whisk, gently stir in the dry ingredients, mixing only until they are incorporated. You will have a thick, smooth, shiny batter. Pour the batter into the pan and jiggle the pan a bit to even out the batter.
Bake the cake at 350F for 40-45 minutes, or until a knife inserted into the center comes out almost clean. Transfer the pan to a rack and cool he cake for 15 minutes,then run a knife between the cake and the pan and remove the sides of the pan. During baking the cake probably will  have puffed to the top of the pan don’t be concerned if tit sinks a little or it if develops a crater in the center. Cool the cake to room temperature.
When the cake is completely cool, invert it, remove the base of the pan and peel off the paper. Wash and dry the springform pan, and return the cake to it right side up. Refasten the sides around the cake.

To make the topping:
Put the sugar, water and corn syrup in a medium heavy bottomed saucepan, stir just to combine the ingredients and then put the pan over medium-high heat. Heat, without stirring , until the caramel turns deep amber., 5-10 minutes. Lower the heat a bit and, standing back from the saucepan add the cream and butter. When the spatters are less vehement, stir to calm down the caramel and dissolve any lumps. Stir in the peanuts, and pour the caramel and peanuts into a 1-quart Pyrex measuring cup or heat proof bowl.
Spoon the peanuts on top of the cake. Then spoon the caramel on top of those. You will have extra caramel leftover to use on something else…like ice cream! You’ll have a layer about ¼ inch high. Allow the topping to set to room temperature-about 20 minutes before serving.
To serve, run a blunt knife between the caramel and the pan and simply remove the sides of the springform. If this isn’t the case, hit the sides with some hot air from a hairdryer or wrap th sides in a towel moistened with hot water.

(Recipe from Culinary Concoctions by Peabody - adapted from Baking:  My Home to Yours by THE Dorie Greenspan)

While we're watching videos . . .

check Toxic out on YouTube by NickelCreek!  

Makes me giggle.  

For the Girls Night Out . . .

Here's a real treat perfect for Girls Night Out!

It's delicous and pink (of course!)

Strawberry Margarita Cake

• 3/4 c strawberry margarita mix
  
• 1 package white cake mix
  
• 1/3 cup oil
  
• 3 egg whites
  
• 1 T grated lime peel
  
• 1 8 oz carton whipped topping ( 3 cups)
  
• Strawberries
  

Heat oven to 350. Grease 9x13. Add water to drink mix to equal total measure 1 1/4 cups liquid. Beat dry cake mix, drink mix, oil, and egg white sin bowl with mixer on low for 2 minutes. Pour into pan. Bake 28-33 minutes/until done. Cool 1 hour. Stir lime peel into whipped topping. Spread over cooled cake. Garnish with strawberries and lime peel. Store in fridge.

12 servings.

Some of my favorites . . .

without turning this into a full blown recipe blog I would like to add some of my favorite recipes.  

Crisp fall weather and the approaching holidays makes for perfect baking!

Chicken Bruschetta Bake

• 1 can diced tomatoes
  
• 1 pkg Stove Top Stuffing (your choice)
• 1/2 c water
• 2 cloves minced garlic
• boneless chicken cut into breasts
• 1 tsp dried basil
• 1 cup mozzerella cheese

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.  Place tomatoes into bowl, add stuffing mix, water, and garlic.  Stir until moist.  Place chicken in greased 13x9.  Sprinkle with basil and cheese.  Top with stuffing. Bake 30 minutes.  

Enjoy!

________________________________________________

Banana Caramel Chocolate WonTons

• 1 banana
• 1/2 tsp sugar
• 6-8 wonton wrappers
• oil for frying

Chop bananas.  Sprinkle sugar over.  Place 1 tablespoon of banana in middle of wonton skin.  Seal edges.  Fry until golden brown on each side.  Serve with chocolate sauce and ice cream. 

_________________________________________________

This is my very favorite, most used, easy peasy recipe.  The kids love these as well as the adults.  It's my go-to dessert for when I have lots of company and can easily be doubled (or tripled!!)  They can be made in advance and put in the fridge so long as you leave ample time for baking to desired crispness.  These are incredible and a perfect way to use up all of your apple picking apples!

Apple Enchiladas

• 1 (21 oz.) pie filling  - of course I use my frozen, homemade apple pie filling for these
• 6 (8 inch) flour tortillas
• 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1/2 c butter
• 1/2 c white sugar
• 1/2 c brown sugar
• 1/2 c water

• Preheat oven to 350.  Grease a 2 quart baking dish (I use my glass 9x13 pyrex.)  Spoon about 1 heaping quarter cup of pie filling evenly down the center of each tortilla.  Sprinkle with cinnamon. Roll up, tucking in edges and place seam side down in prepared dish.  

• In a medium saucepan, over medium heat, combine butter, sugars, and water.  Bring to a boil.  Stir constantly.  Reduce heat and simmer for 3 minutes.  Pour sauce over enchiladas and let set for 30 minutes (or may put in fridge for baking later).  

• Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.  (I do typically allow mine to bake a little longer as I like the outside to be a bit crispier/chewier and I like my syrup to thicken a bit.)This can be topped with a variety of things.  I usually cut mine in half at an angle, add some ice cream or whip cream, pour thickened syrup over the top, and garnish with a little cinnamon.  

Viola - easy peasy and yummy nummy!

_________________________________________________

Be sure to check back frequently as I will be adding more of my favorite recipes!

Pumpkin Recipes = Fall

Despite the icky rain I am still finding myself in mood for some yummy fall recipes! Here are a few I came across today:

• Pumpkin Peanut Butter Cookies
  

• Pumpkin Bread Pudding
  

• Chocolate Pumpkin Pie Bars

• Pumpkin Cream Cheese Spread

• Pumpkin Spice Scones

• Libby's Pumpkin Roll

• Pumpkin Cream Cheese Pie

• Pumpkin Sheet Cake (I'm making this tomorrow!

• Pumpkin Cookies w/Cream Cheese Frosting

• Double Layer Pumpkin Cheesecake

• Chocolate Pumpkin Cake (GlutenFree Mommy)

(There are many more I will share in the weeks to come!)
Enjoy!

Pee in your pants funny!

I have lots of fun things from over the weekend to post, but for now a quick one. (I have to sit down and get some pictures, etc., from the weekend together before I post it).

Came across this today on another blog and it's too good not to share - Tom Cruise/Oprah funnies.

Pencil, Smencil . . .

• 
  

How cool are these!?!



For lack of brain waves this afternoon I am going to copy what the manufacturer's website says about these! They are soooo groovy! Me thinks I'm going to have some happy kiddos at Christmas. My boys and neices will LOVE these! I think for a gift they are reasonably priced too!

"We have put our gourmet scents into these "no mess" applicators. By simply squeezing them, you are able to "paint" the scents onto the pencils. Take one of the scent applicators from your mini kit and squeeze it hard until you hear a pop. Continue squeezing the applicator to get liquid scent to flow through the felt tip onto the pencil, saturating it. Allow your Smencils to dry for one hour and then use or store in the Freshness Tubes."

These are guaranteed to retain their scent for 2 years in or out of the freshness tubes!

"We roll sheets of newspaper tightly around the #2 graphite writing cores until pencils of typical thickness are formed.Then they're hardened - allowing them to be sharpened just like wood pencils. Next, we soak them with our gourmet liquid scents (made by an award winning fragrance company). Once they're dry, we attach the erasers and apply the stickers around them that identify which scent was infused into each Smencil. Lastly, we put each one into its own Freshness Tube."

You can get minis, originals, coloreds, or DIY at home kits! They are brilliant! I can't wait to order some for Christmas.

Now, if I could just get my hands on some scratch and sniff stickers from when I was in elementary school!

If you'd like your own smencils - click here on the linky Smencils.

(Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the odd looks

you will receive while sniffing your pencils.)

The one about homecoming.

I went to the public school.
My husband went to the public school.
My kids are going to the public school.

For the most part, I like the public school.

But, when things like this come home, I start to wonder.

I'm sure you cannot read this. If you can then you and your vision should be saving our world or something crazy like that. This is the agenda for homecoming week at our fine institution of higher learning.

The agenda has all the same spectacular information that it has since I was a kid. One day is pajama day, one is crazy hat and tie day, one is school colors day, yadda yadda, (yes I yadda yadda on occasion - DEAL WITH IT.)

Anyway, NOWHERE, on this piece of paper does it actually say WHEN homecoming is.

I can only assume that is this next week.

Just a shout out to the public school folk, if my kid comes to school wearing pajamas and crazy ass hats when he's not supposed to, your paying for the therapy.

My Wildlife

These are the goofy creatures that live in my neck of the woods.

(I spotted this one in the living room)

and no those are NOT clean socks, but they came off his feet

Then deeper into the wilderness I happen upon this:

I think they are referred to as the Strader.familarius.

Good for you and tasty too. . .

er, or not. The kind people at Kashi sent me a sample of their "Tasty Little Cookies" with 3 grams of fiber, and 7 whole grains, all natural, chewy cookies with no hydrogenated oils, zero grams of trans fat, and all natural of the Oatmeal Dark Chocolate variety.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS SHIT TASTES LIKE?

Well, I really wish I had a picture of what my brother feeds his goats because I'm thinking they just took a perfectly good dark chocolate oatmeal cookie and threw in this crap for good measure.

I did not like it. I have never liked anything from Kashi. The cereal was "baaaad" (pun totally intended.) The cookie I think was worse. I can guarantee with all the extra grains and healthy stuff it definately makes your poop shooter work. As I was about to throw the cookie away my son walked by me and I offered it to him. He ate it willingly and said it made his mouth hurt. Nice. Exactly what I strive for in my baking.

Last night, before bed, the kid pooped and I figured out what all that fiber's good for . . .

I think I'll stick with my health food . . .

Flammable when dumb . . .

I have been known to have "duh" moments, a lot, unfortunately on a regular basis, like hourly.

Yesterday I knew I had a cub scout leader meeting last night, that I had to attend. My gas tank was running on E. I figured I had enough gas to get to town to fill it and go to my meeting. Why, might you ask, did I not fill my tank before it got to E . . . because I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants crazy bitch! I like to live life on the edge and be a rebel and dammit that's why!

So, yesterday morning in my comatose sleep, apparently my husband woke me up before he left for work, apparently. But not. I woke up and it was almost 7 and DS7 had to be on the bus by 7:15ish. No freaking way this was going to happen. So, we got ready and I drove him to school, WITHOUT MY FUCKING PURSE!

I'm pulling out of the dropoff lane and my gas light comes on. Spectacular! I made it home, husband working late, am I going to have enough to get to town?

Hmmm . . . I remember we filled a gas can last weekend for woodcutting. Nice. Talk about redneck as all hell! So, I went out and tried to fill my gas tank with gas from the gas can.
Tried, this is the imperative word here. It would have worked a lot better if the son-of-a-bitching nozzles on the gas can would actually expand like they should instead of break off in a brittle snap. WTF am I going to do now?

Well, thinking out of the box like I do (whatever) - I used my good kitchen funnel ( do I have a bad kitchen funnel - that I would use for gasoline pouring - NO - but I only have 1 funnel and I refer to it as my "good" funnel - so shut the hell up!) I tried pouring it into the funnel in the gas tank - cockeyed as hell - running out of the funnel - onto my fucking foot. Again with the spectacular!

So, I put on my thinking cap. I've got an empty water jug (real safe I know) sitting on the deck. I put the funnel in the water jug, poured the gasamoline in it, and put the funnel in the gas tank and poured the gasamoline in IT. How much is the question your asking right now - I know it is. I poured 5 freaking gallons of gas into my car this way; enough for 1/4 of a tank. Yeah.

It worked.

I am a fucking genius.

I am not thinking about how much liquid gold I dumped down the side of the car, on the gravel, or my foot.

Do not go there.

Just stick with the genius.

I'm in a good place.

Queen of the House!

My best friend is coming to stay for a "girly" overnight after work on Friday! Lots of good times and fun stuff planned! But for now, this is what I've been doing! (Minus the 4 kids and 1 on the way and the french maid outfit!)

Mini Pumpkin Whoopie Pies

This recipe comes to my mailbox today courtesy of Martha! (Of course, do you think anyone else could come up with such a "perfect" recipe for fall.) Because that's Martha, freakin' perfect in every freakin' way!

Anyway - I haven't made them but the reviews are great! I see these in my near future!

MINI PUMPKIN WHOOPIE PIES
Makes about 20

FOR THE COOKIES

• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
  
• 3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (not Dutch-process)
  
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
  
• 1/2 teaspoon coarse salt
  
• 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, softened
  
• 1/4 cup vegetable shortening
  
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  
• 1/2 cup packed dark-brown sugar
  
• 1 large egg
  
• 1 cup whole milk
  
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
  

FOR THE FILLING

• 4 ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
  
• 1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, at room temperature
  
• 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
  
• 1/4 cup canned solid pack pumpkin
  
• Pinch of cinnamon
  
• Pinch of nutmeg
  

Directions

• Prepare cookies: Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Sift together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt into a medium bowl; set aside. Place butter, shortening, and sugars into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Mix on high speed until smooth, about 3 minutes. Add egg; mix until pale and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Mix in half the flour mixture, then the milk and vanilla. Mix in remaining flour mixture. Drop about 2 teaspoons dough onto baking sheets lined with parchment paper, spacing 2 inches apart. Bake until cookies spring back when lightly touched, 12 to 14 minutes. Transfer baking sheets to wire racks and let cool 10 minutes. Remove cookies from baking sheets and transfer to wire racks using a spatula; let cool completely.
  
• Prepare filling: In the bowl of a mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, whip together cream cheese, butter and confectioners' sugar on medium speed until smooth, about 3 minutes. Add pumpkin, cinnamon, and nutmeg; whip until smooth, scraping down the bowl as necessary.
  Pipe or spoon about 2 teaspoons filling on the flat sides of half the cookies. Sandwich with remaining cookies, keeping the flat sides down.

Chocolate Cake in 5 Minutes (and it's good!)

Picture from http://www.makeandtakes.com/

Here it is. Right here. Look no further. It is the perfect cure for the PMS chocolate craving! Chocolate cake in 5 minutes! Made in the microwave and mixed up in the cup - no dirty dishes!

(Just make sure you use cocoa (baking cocoa) - not cocoa as in hot cocoa.)